From the Hallowed Halls of Facebook

J1 and J2 announced at dinner tonight they have decided to be best friends. But they're still going to fight.

###

Justin, while riding on my back yesterday: "Daddy, your hair has bald in it."

###

Me (singing): I've got the moves like Jagger, I've got the moves like Jagger, I've got the moo-ooo-ooves like Jagger...
Justice (not even looking up from the TV): You've got the moves like a horse.
Justin: And a duck.

###

Justin (at a restaurant): I'll have a Diet Coke.
Me: (to the server) No, he'll have lemonade.
Justin: (talking to me in Danny's little deep kid voice from "The Shining," using his finger to talk): Justin wants a Diet Coke, Mr. Reisman.

###

Upon receiving their first Susan B. Anthony dollars.
Justin: Who's this?
Adam: That's Susan B. Anthony.
Justin: When was she the president?
Adam: She wasn't. She was a leader for women's rights.
Justin: What's women's rights?
Adam: A hundred years ago, women couldn't vote like men. Susan B. Anthony wanted to be able to vote like a man. She wanted to be able to do anything like a man.
Justice (after a confused pause): Did she want to pee like a man?

### 

Justin: Look, Daddy. I found a feather.
Me: Where did that come from?
Justin: (rolling his eyes) From a bird, Daddy.

###

Me: Who's your favorite football team?
Justin: Green Bay.
Me: Green Bay what?
Justin: Green Bay Packers.
Me: Excellent, who's your favorite baseball team?
Justin: Milwaukee.
Me: Milwaukee what?
(long pause)
Justin (unsure): Milwaukee talkies?

###

Me: Whenever you feel like fighting in the car, here's what you should do. Take a deep breath and hold it for ten seconds. Let's try it.
(They do).
Me: Once Daddy got so mad at me, he had to hold his breath and count to 55 million.
Justin: Really?
Adam: Mmm-hmm.
Me: In fact, he's still counting.
(Short silence)
Justice: What number is he on?

###

Justin demonstrates his math prowess again:
Me: What's 6+7?
Justin: 10
Me: No, try again.
Justin (yelling): It's 10!!
Me: No, it's 13.
Justin: Ohhhh, I thought you said 6+11!!

###

Justin: Can I get a new bat for my birthday? I won't hit Justice with it.

###

Justin: Daddy, do you have binoculars?
Me: Yes
Justin: Can I have them?
Me: You can borrow them, but you can't have them.
Justin: No, I mean when you die.

###

Thanks for the laughs, kids. We love you.